Transcription of an Incomplete College Ruled Composition Notebook Found in an Overflowing Dumpster on the Second of January 2014, Author Unknown

5/5/2013

Today was my first day working at the Weinerschnitzel on Randall Avenue. I never thought I’d be going into hot dogs, but that’s life isn’t it? When you need work you need work. I’m fine with it. I remember when I was younger the idea of working in fast food was so horrifying, but now it doesn’t really bother me anymore. It has pretty good architecture for a Weinerschnitzel. In my past experience working at fast food places, there’s always a lot of grease everywhere. But this place has it under control. My supervisor, Trey, was nice and accommodating, made sure I had a comfortable first day. I think I’ll like working there.

The weather was sunny with a few clouds, 76 degrees Fahrenheit.

5/6/2013

Today Trey set me up at the fryers to make the curly fries. At first, I got pretty severely burned on my hands and legs a few times, but I’m getting better. I want to learn how to do those fun grease trap tricks I’ve heard so much about. I went to Doctor Sam in the afternoon after my shift to get the burns checked out. I also asked about my left eye, about how it’s so itchy and watery pretty much constantly. She told me to eat more fruit and take benadryl. I told her it’s been pretty consistent for the past few months and I’m starting to sweat more whenever it happens. I told her about how sometimes the sweat droplets are dark brown. She was pretty insistent that my symptoms didn’t mean anything, but I dunno. I’m pretty freaked out about it.

The weather today was overcast. 69 degrees Fahrenheit.

5/7/2013

This morning I woke up and the watery itchy eye thing started happening immediately. I think it might have been happening before I woke up. Also, I woke up completely sweaty and every single sweat droplet was brown. Usually there’s only a few brown sweat droplets but today it was all of them. When I got out of bed, I was dripping with sweat and I could see it running down every part of my body that I could see and felt it running down every part I couldn’t. I took a shower and that took care of the sweat, but my eye wouldn’t stop watering. I left for work anyway and beyond my watery eye, my day wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I was supposed to restock the ketchup and mustard squirters, and I accidentally put the ketchup in the mustard container and the mustard in the ketchup container. I got in a little bit of trouble, but all I had to do in the end was wash the containers out and have the tainted amounts of ketchup and mustard come out of my paycheck. It was a fuckton of ketchup and mustard so I had a lot taken out. It’s a little overwhelming but in the end I can’t really do anything about it.

The weather today was sunny, no clouds. 85 degrees Fahrenheit.

5/9/2013

I had to skip a day yesterday writing in here because I was too tired when I got home! Nothing really happened. Some brown sweat here and there, but I mostly just worked and afterwards I went out with Jess and Laura…

Today, I went to see Doctor Sam again, after work, and I showed her how much of my sweat was brown (I had to run around outside a little bit to get it started). She then proceeded to get some tweezers, prop open my eye, dilate my pupils, reach inside with the tweezers, grab something from the inside, and slowly pull out a full sized hot dog through my pupil from the inside of my eyeball. It was the strangest feeling of my life, and I couldn’t make any noise. It felt kind of like taking a dump but through my eye. As soon as the last part of the hot dog slid out of my eyeball, my brown sweat stopped. As she placed the hotdog down on the platter next to me, she said very loudly and clumsily, “that’s a fuckin real hot dog in front of me”. I was immensely uncomfortable, with hot dog juices dripping out of my pupil. I tried to leave pretty much immediately out of anxiety but she made me stay while she tried to see if there was any difference between the hot dog she just yanked out of my eyeball and a regular store- bought hot dog. There wasn’t any difference, it was the same as any hot dog you could find at any Albertsons. It definitely was not a Weinerschnitzel hot dog, and I would know because I’ve spent so much time around those. It wasn’t a Weinerschnitzel hot dog. It was an uncooked store-bought hot dog. Doctor Sam put it in a plastic Ziploc bag and handed it to me. I took it home and put it in my freezer.

The weather was sunny with a few clouds. 79 degrees Fahrenheit.

5/10/2013

I just went to work today. I didn’t do much else.

The weather was cloudy but very bright. 80 degrees Fahrenheit.

5/15/2013

Sorry I didn’t write in here for the past few days. I’m losing motivation to keep doing this. I just feel very empty inside ever since the hot dog thing. I haven’t gone to work in a few days either. I feel so empty. Oh my god, so, so empty.

I didn’t go outside today so I didn’t see what the weather was like but according to my weather app on my phone it was 91 degrees Fahrenheit.

7/4/2013

Sorry I haven’t written in here for so long. It’s been hard to remember and nothing really happens anymore. But today I took my eyeball hot dog out of the freezer, and decided to try and grill it and eat it. Why not, you know? No reason not to. It came from my body and I can put it back in there if I want to. I was grilling stuff on my balcony anyway. I threw the hot dog on the grill and as I watched it slowly get charred and cooked, I started to get very emotional. I cried for about 20 minutes. When I got up, it had burnt to a crisp. I covered it with ketchup and ate it anyway. It was disgusting and I still felt empty. I had a horrible stomach ache after eating the completely burnt hotdog. I took a shitload of tums and nothing helped. After that I took a nap and I had a dream where Jesus came back on his white horse in the clouds with his burning fire eyes and I couldn’t stop screaming in fear. I woke up after that dream and I was sweating normal sweat, but that wasn’t abnormal because I hadn’t sweated brown sweat in a while. I felt disgusting still. After that I watched You’ve Got Mail (1999) with Tom Hanks. It made me cry. But a lot of things make me cry these days. I haven’t done anything since then, it’s 4am and I can’t sleep. I think I want to go to church this Sunday. I haven’t gone since I was a kid and I kind of miss it.

The sky was clear with a few clouds (and fireworks!). It was 95 degrees Fahrenheit.